From: Jim <Jim@IDon’tNeedNoStinkinRealators.com>
To: Melina Tomson <melina@tomsonburnham.com>
Date: Feb 13, 2011 3:05 AM
Subject: MLS
Dear Melinda,
I found you on Swillow and clicked through to your website. I like your website and for an agent that’s saying something because most of them suck. I like the house at 777 Lucky to Know Me Street and want you to send me the full MLS listing please. I don’t need your help with the house; I just need the listing sheet. Thank you for your kindness in advance.
P.S. Keep up the good work on the website.
Sincerely,
Jim
From: Melina Tomson <melina@tomsonburnham.com>
To: Jim <Jim@IDon’tNeedNoStinkinRealators.com>
Date: Feb 13, 2011 9:05 AM
Subject: re: MLS
Hey Jim,
Thanks for stopping by my website and I’m glad you didn’t think it sucked. I always strive to be a notch above completely worthless. Unfortunately, I can only give you a copy of the client version of the MLS and can send that to you. The full version has some confidential information, like phone numbers, showing instructions, etc. that I can’t share with you. Would you like a copy of the client version?
Let me know if you would find that helpful.
P.S. I’m impressed that you were thinking of me at 3:05 in the morning. Also the name is Melina. Common mistake to call me Melinda. Thanks.
Melina
From: Jim <Jim@IDon’tNeedNoStinkinRealators.com>
To: Melina Tomson <melina@tomsonburnham.com>
Date: Feb 13, 2011 10:05 AM
Subject: re: re: MLS
Melinda,
I don’t want the sanitized version of the MLS form. You agents all say that there is confidential information like seller’s phone numbers and showing instructions but I don’t believe it. I know you realators are hoarding information and I have a right to see it. So give me the full version. Top level clearance to whatever you get is all I’m asking. How hard is that? I thought you had half a brain, with your M. S. and everything. Don’t make me think otherwise.
Jim
From: Melina Tomson <melina@tomsonburnham.com>
To: Jim <Jim@IDon’tNeedNoStinkinRealators.com>
Date: Feb 13, 2011 5:05 PM
Subject: My Half Brain
Jim,
I understand. I would need your blood type and a copy of your most embarrassing high school photo in order to give you access to the private remarks. I had to give them a copy of me in my Fiddler on the Roof costume from high school, so they are serious about it.
P.S. I kinda like going by a different name. It’s cool to pretend I’m not me. Since we are changing names here is it okay if I call you Jack?
Sincerely,
Melina aka Melinda
From: Jim <Jim@IDon’tNeedNoStinkinRealators.com>
To: Melina Tomson <melina@tomsonburnham.com>
Date: Feb 13, 2011 9:05 PM
Subject: re: Your half brain
No Melina, you may not call me Jack. It’s time to stop this propaganda going on with the real estate industry and get this information back into the hands of the public. It isn’t like you have any great secrets on there or anything, sheesh. Get over yourself, thinking you are all important and stuff with your “secret data.” Just hand it over, already.
Jim, not Jack.
From: Melina Tomson <melina@tomsonburnham.com>
To: Jim <Jim@IDon’tNeedNoStinkinRealators.com>
Date: Feb 13, 2011 11:05 PM
Subject: No Can Do
Dear Jim,
I understand your desire to see what I see, but the last time the full MLS sheet was placed in the hands of an unsuspecting consumer we had a minor problem: the Oregon Statehouse caught on fire. Since then, Realtors have been charged with protection of the MLS data. I’m sure you understand the need to not have our new statehouse catch on fire. No one wants to see the gold man melt, especially since skinny jeans are back in style now. He only looks fashionable every 20-30 years as styles recycle themselves, and we’re not sure how long that will last. We don’t want to have to put bell bottoms back on him, you understand I’m sure.
Sincerely,
Melina
From: Jim <Jim@IDon’tNeedNoStinkinRealators.com>
To: Melina Tomson <melina@tomsonburnham.com>
Date: Feb 14, 2011 3:05 AM
Subject: Data
Just give me the data. What happened to the customer is always right?
Jim
From: Melina Tomson <melina@tomsonburnham.com
To: Jim <Jim@IDon’tNeedNoStinkinRealators.com
Date: Feb 14, 2011 9:05 AM
Subject: Happy Valentines Day
Jim,
The customer can’t be right about seeing ALL the MLS data because that would mean real estate agents have been wrong all these years and well…our egos can’t handle that. So, look, here’s the real deal. I know we say that those are showing instructions and worthless things like that, but the MLS really contains the secret plans for the Death Star. I know you think that Star Wars is just a movie, but ssshhh…don’t tell anyone…it isn’t. The NAR is building a Death Star as we speak and we’ve been entrusted with the plans. REALTORS and realators alike are going to rule the world. I’m sure you understand now why I can only send you the client detail sheet from the MLS. I know you don’t want to be responsible for the destruction of mankind, unless you secretly know how to maneuver a TIE fighter.
P.S. Happy Valentine’s Day.
Sincerely,
Melina
From: Jim <Jim@IDon’tNeedNoStinkinRealators.com>
To: Melina Tomson <melina@tomsonburnham.com>
Date: Feb 14, 2011 11:05 AM
Subject: re: Happy Valentines Day
Melina,
You’re crazy. Of course I don’t know how to fly a TIE fighter. They aren’t real.
P.S. Nevermind
Jim
From: Melina Tomson <melina@tomsonburnham.com>
To: Jim <Jim@IDon’tNeedNoStinkinRealators.com>
Date: Feb 14, 2011 9:05 PM
Subject: Home Search
Jim,
I’m bummed you never learned how to fly a TIE fighter. I was thinking it would be cool to know someone that had been in one. Sorry, I couldn’t be more helpful to you during your I-only-want-your-help-with-the-data-home search.
P.S. Thanks for contacting me off my website and if you need a good Salem real estate agent, don’t hesitate to contact me back. I’m here to help with the exception of private data on the MLS.
Melina
Freakin’ epic!
Glad you maintained your sense of humor Melina (or is that Melinda?)! BTW Not only is it private Jim, but we also pay for the information via our RMLS dues, etc.
Thanks Ron. You made my day as I have been struggling to write this post forever.
Betty this isn’t real. It’s just me making stuff up.
There really needs to be a disclaimer on this – I almost spewed my diet coke all over the keyboard – I don’t know how to fly a TIE fighter – but I do know how to cook for an army – can I join the team 🙂
Thesa I think you’d rock any kind of space fighting craft. If you know how to make a good batch of super dense brownies the cooks job is yours.
Melina,
There has to be some basis of reality in this. I think you are just protecting someone. By the way, I wouldn’t mind seeing Mr. Statesmen in bell bottoms. He might sort of look like Elvis and maybe Salem could be the next LV? 😉
Thanks for the entertainment. I can always count on you for that! It must be so fun for your clients to get your sharp wit as an extra bonus along with your expertise in real estate. 🙂
Okay, yes Vic this was inspired by a conversation I had on a forum with a consumer, but it is grossly exaggerated for the purposes of entertaining myself.
Oh man! I knew you agents were up to something!! So whats the plan eh? Vaporize some ewolks?
I guess I will have to help since I deeply despise those little forest critters…..
Jim you can ride in one of the AT-AT walkers and just stomp those little ewoks if you wish.
You had me a “confluential.”
Hey, you and Paul have inspired me to try and be a better writer so this post is your fault. 🙂
I think Billy Crystal should play Jim / Jack in the movie. I haven’t decided who should play you 🙂
Finally got a chance to read this – LOL. Love the Death Star plans. 😀
LOL – so funny and so painfully true in some cases…thanks for the great humor Melina ! We need it in this market!